


Over My Head

by sexyaflouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ASL Harry, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Sign Language, Uni AU, anxious!louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7147592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexyaflouis/pseuds/sexyaflouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a stressed out and depressed college student whose only escape is his best friend, Niall, which honestly isn't too much of an escape in the first place. Then he meets Harry, president of the ASL club, and everything skyrockets, including his feelings.</p><p>or</p><p>uni au where Harry is president of the sign language club and Louis struggles to hold himself back</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over My Head

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so thx for clicking!!! :-)

That was it. He couldn’t do it anymore. Louis slammed his laptop shut and threw his head into his hands. He was nearing hour five on this stupid psychology paper and his brain couldn’t function any longer. He focused on his breathing, knowing his anxiety was on the verge of kicking into high gear. In four, out seven, he told himself. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples with his thumbs.

He could feel other people in the library staring at him. He knew what a scene he must’ve been making, but it’s what he had to do to keep himself from having an attack, and that would definitely look weirder. When he felt calm enough to get going, he packed his stuff into his backpack and got up, heading toward the elevator. It’s only Monday, he reminded himself.

He walked to the bus, unable to get his mind off the dreaded paper. He needed to finish it, even though it was due in two weeks and it had just gotten assigned today. Despite how much stress it caused him, Louis forced himself to get things done in advance to try and reduce the stress later, but it never worked that way.  
The bus was already waiting for him, but since it was mid-afternoon, it was packed. Great, he thought to himself, my favorite.

He chose a window seat near the back, placed his forehead against the window and closed his eyes, attempting to get as much personal space as he could. He slid a pair of lilac headphones into his ears, allowing Tenerife Sea to fill his head and took another deep breath. Louis couldn’t do crowded spaces. The bus was always a nightmare for him, but he didn’t have his car on campus, so it was his only option unless he wanted to walk several miles back to his apartment. He was attempting to stay calm, but was interrupted by someone’s knees knocking into his, squeezing their way into the seat next to him.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry,” Louis scooted as close as he could to the window, thigh plastered to the wall, not even giving his neighbor a glance. “Sorry,” the boy next to him repetitively apologized. Louis finally gave in and looked over at him, in return receiving what felt like a punch to the gut, knocking all the air out of him, leaving him completely breathless.

The boy’s face was glowing from the sun shining through the window, making his skin look perfectly golden. His eyes were a deep green, staring right into Louis’s, which should be making him extremely uncomfortable, but for some reason it wasn’t. They held each other’s gaze for a long time until Louis finally looked away and back out the window.

“It’s alright,” he mumbled. It was a super delayed response, but his appearance caught Louis off guard. He was wearing tight black skinny jeans and an oversized flannel with a matching headscarf and it was all too much for Louis to take in.

“Where ya headed?” the boy tilted his head over at Louis again, giving him a huge smile. He looked like a little boy; adorably cute and innocent.

Louis lowered the volume of his music, taking out the headphone closest to Harry, “What was that?” He looked back up at him for the second time, still just as in awe as the first.

“Where ya headed?” he repeated without any hesitation.  
Louis could feel the abundance of tension unexpectedly lift off his chest, “Um… Just back home.”

“Where’s home?” he seemed genuinely curious, reaching his hand up to his headscarf to tuck stray pieces of hair away, sticking his tongue out in the process.

“The apartments around the corner, The Heights.”

The boy’s eyes got brighter, his smile bigger, which Louis had already concluded as impossible, and he reached out his hand to grab Louis’s shoulder, making him flinch. “No way! That’s where I live too.”

Of course it is, the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen and he lives in my complex.

“Wow, cool…” Louis forced a smile and retreated his eyes to the back of the seat in front of him, his shoulder burning from the boy’s hand resting there.

Just when he was about to put his headphones back in, the boy spoke again.

“What’s your name?” he gave Louis’s shoulder a light squeeze.

“Louis, yours?” he felt obligated to give the boy eye contact, so he looked back over at him. It didn’t get easier. Breathe, Louis. He even forced out another small, soft smile.

“My name’s Harry. Harry Styles.” he finally seemed to realize Louis’s discomfort, pulling his hand away abruptly and placing it in his lap, “sorry for being in your personal space by the way. I can tell you’re a little uncomfortable, but it’s not on purpose, I just have really long legs.” He then began tapping his knee against Louis’s to prove his point.

Louis laughed a bit at that, feeling his anxiety drift further and further away, “No problem, just a little claustrophobic that’s all.”

He’d never really told anyone about his anxiety except for his best friend Niall, and he didn’t intend to, especially to this painfully attractive boy whose knee was currently bumping his own. It always seemed to scare people off or cause them to be overly cautious around him, and he wasn’t usually willing to risk that with anybody.

“Well, buses aren’t really the place for you, are they then?” Harry gave him a sympathetic look, speaking in a gentle tone.

“No,” Louis laughed nervously, “definitely not.”

The bus came to a halt and they both got up at the same time. Harry was almost a whole head taller than Louis and if Louis was having trouble breathing before, he definitely couldn’t breathe now. He set his eyes on the ground and quickly got off the bus, mumbling a hasty “see ya,” and walking towards his building.

He heard footsteps behind him attempting to catch up, “Hey, what building are you in?” Louis was already way too keen of that deep, syrupy voice.

“Three.”

“Let’s go, then!” Louis stopped in his tracks and Harry continued walking, “C’mon what’re you waiting for? I’m in building three too!”   
Louis took small steps forward until he was alongside Harry. This boy was literally a child. “What’s your major, Louis?” his name rolling off Harry’s tongue was almost too good to be true. It made him feel light and fluttery and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“Psychology. I want to do something with social work, you?”

Louis really loved his major. He enjoyed being able to encourage children that struggle with depression and anxiety like he does. His dad had been nonexistent for his entire life, leaving him to be raised by his mom. She did a wonderful job, but Louis struggled in public school because of his sexuality and was regularly bullied, shamed, and ignored. He never truly came out, but everybody just kind of knew. He was a theatre kid; always participating in the musicals and plays. He loved genuine conversation, which meant most of the friends he had were girls. His mannerisms screamed gay, but he wasn’t going to publically announce it to his entire uptight, too-good-for-you school.

“I’m actually an audiology major,” Harry glanced down at the boots on his feet, “I’m minoring in American Sign Language too. I want to help people hear, but also be able to communicate with them before they can. Get to know them, you know?” The words stumbled out of his mouth, but his eyes were glowing with passion.

This is the end. This is it.

Harry was so passionate when he spoke about what he potentially wanted to do with his life and Louis’ heart was crumbling to pieces.

“That’s really cool, Harry.” Louis risked a quick glance over at the tall, lanky boy whose hands were fiddling in his pockets looking for his keys.

“Thanks, Louis,” he reached his door and Louis’s heart constricted when he realized how close it was to his own.

“Is this your apartment?” Louis took a few steps and fished his keys out of the pocket of his backpack, opening his own door.

“Yeah, is that yours?” Louis could’ve sworn Harry was smirking at him. He just nodded and toed his shoes off outside the door. “Good to know. Nice meeting you, Louis. See you around!” Harry disappeared through the door, leaving Louis to wonder how he had never met Harry since he has been at college.

 

Louis got scheduled for opening this morning at work, which always seemed to stress him out. He hopped in the shower at six forty-five and was out by six fifty, grabbing his tea and heading out the door.

He folded over the collar of his black polo and ruffled his fringe the slightest bit. He told himself he would go for the soft fringe today since it was so early and try not to stress about how it had a mind of its own.

It was cooler than he thought it would be in mid-October, but his tea did its job at warming him up. He arrived at the bookstore at exactly six fifty-nine, opening the doors with a key and letting himself inside.

He loved the smell of all the books, some old and some new. There were so many stories to tell; so many fantasy worlds to get lost in. It was so easy for Louis to sit down and read a book for hours on end until it was finished, only because it gave his brain something else to do other than worry or feel sad.

He was snapped out of his early morning daze when the bells chimed by the entrance and his first customer walked in.

“Good morning, welcome to Chapter One!” Louis chirped in his happiest tone he could manage for it being seven in the morning. He was busy rearranging books at the desk that needed to be re-shelved, so he hadn’t looked up yet. The customer could’ve been a robber for all Louis knew.

“Good morning!” A voice creaked as it drew closer to him. Definitely not a robber.

“Mama B!” Louis’ eyes lit up, hopping over the counter to greet his favorite customer of all time.

Bethany was a tiny little old lady with the stereotypical wooden cane and round glasses resting on the tip of her nose. She was more of a hippie than expected, with flowers in her hair that she picked herself and long, tie-dyed skirts. She was a regular at Chapter One ever since Louis began working there his freshman year. She was the sweetest, funniest woman, always interested in talking books and even psychology with Louis, considering she used to be a social worker herself.

“Hello, darling. I was hoping you would open today. You haven’t been in early lately,” her voice cracked several times, reaching behind Louis’ neck and pulling him in for a kiss on the cheek.

“I know, love. It has been busy up at school and I’ve had a lot going on, so I haven’t been scheduled for opening. It’s almost a blessing.” He caressed her arm, taking her wrinkly, fragile hand in his own.

“But you don’t get to see me, so it’s not too big of a blessing!” Her laugh shook the entire building and Louis couldn’t help but join her.

“You’re right, you’re right.” He pressed his lips gently to the top of her hand.

“Do you have anything new?” Bethany allowed Louis to lead her to the front desk, where he continued to organize the leftover books.

“Nothing you’d be interested in, unfortunately. Is there something you’re looking for?”

She leaned against her cane and brought her small fingers to her chin, “Hmm, maybe I’ll mix it up and try some mystery.”

Louis’ eyes widened in disbelief, “Ah, is that so? Well let’s go take a look then, shall we?” He smiled brightly at Bethany, holding his hand out for her to take, then leading her to the mystery section.

The chimes at the front went off a couple of times, some were employees, others were customers. Louis sat in a chair with Bethany while she read nearly every summary of every mystery book they had in stock.

“This one seems interesting!” She tapped Louis gently on the shoulder.

He took a look at the cover and almost ripped the book out of Bethany’s hands. The boy on the cover looked like an exact replica of Harry. The never-ending legs and the long curly hair, not to mention the boots on his feet.

“Um, yeah, B. This one looks great!” He quickly distracted himself of his racing heart and closing throat by making sure the books were in alphabetical order by author.

“The young man on the front is quite the cutie, isn’t he? Must’ve been what caught my eye.”

“Mama B..”

“Oh, Louis, darling, I’m just kidding. He looks more your type anyway and besides, I’m just a little old lady!”

“M-my type?” Louis questioned, curious of how Bethany had learned he was gay, but also finding it humorous.

“Oh sweetie, don’t try and pretend! You’re such a sweet little sunflower, I know it!”

Louis attempted to hide the blush creeping up his neck, but a popped collar wouldn’t be the most professional choice.

Bethany pinched Louis’ cheek, “My sweet boy. You’re going to find the one someday. You just have to open up a little bit and let yourself shine. Be the sunflower I know you are. Find your sun and chase after it. Let nothing stop you.”

Louis smiled down at her softly, “Thanks, B.”

“It’s about time for me to go, my dear. I will see you again soon.” Louis lead her back up to the front of the store, waving goodbye as she walked out to her car.

Hopefully Bethany was right. Maybe Louis would find the one. He just had to open up first, and he wasn’t very good at that.

*** 

Louis finished his classes for the day, finally making it back to the apartment. It had been an extremely exhausting day.

When he got to the front door, there was a flyer attached to the frame promoting that it was open gym for soccer tonight at the recreation center. If he wasn’t so tired he would probably consider going, but he didn’t feel anywhere near wanting to go.

He dropped his stuff in the foyer and made his way into the kitchen. He grabbed a sleeve of crackers and retreated to his room, not thinking twice about his actions.

Niall wasn’t home yet, so Louis sat in the corner of his room at his keyboard and began to play. This was another one of those mind-consuming hobbies he enjoyed. He liked being able to get lost in the hum of the notes; being able to shift it in any way he wanted.

He felt particularly sad today. Not for any specific reason, just because he was. These days came and went, sometimes there were several in a row that lasted weeks or months, but sometimes they disappeared. His brain would catch a break, but before he knew it he’d be spiraling right back down again into his pit of depression. He was almost used to the pattern at this point: freak out, be sad, try to be happy, repeat.  
After a while of playing, Louis decided to lie down for a nap. He had so much to do, but no motivation to do any of it, so he turned his fan on, cradled himself in his softest blanket, and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up to Niall shouting at him to get out of bed, but he had no idea why.

“Louis, get UP! Can you not hear the alarms going off? Holy hell, you sleep like a rock!” He was ripping Louis of his warmth now, throwing his blanket to the ground.

“What time is it?” Louis grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Five. Now get up, I don’t want to get fined for not evacuating!”

Louis slipped on his vans, not even bothering to check his appearance. He knew his hair was going to be messy, and his eyes were still three-quarters of the way shut. His fan was roaring, blowing everything to the perimeter of his room. He turned it off and walked out his door.

The alarm was LOUD. An obnoxious screeching sound in a monotonous rhythm. Luckily his fan blocked it out or else he would’ve probably had a heart attack.

He followed Niall outside and down the stairs where everyone else was congregating, sound vibrating his entire body.

“How long do we have to be out here?” Louis asked, tucking his hands under his armpits for warmth. When he spoke, his breath turned to fog.

“Hopefully not too long, it’s fucking freezing.” Niall blew into his hands, rubbing them together.

“Louis! Niall!” Louis turned first, spotting Harry with a large, grey blanket wrapped around his shoulders, looking extremely warm. Louis almost asked if he could hop in with him.

“Hey man!” Niall pat him on the shoulder roughly, giving him a huge smile.

“Hi,” Louis replied shyly, tucking his hands into his shirt now for extra warmth.

“You cold, Louis?” Harry extended an arm out for Louis to tuck under him, but Louis declined.

“No, I’m alright. We should be heading back up any second now.”

Harry almost looked sad, but Louis didn’t let himself overthink for once. He was too cold, his brain felt frozen.

A couple of minutes passed, Niall and Harry chatting like casual neighbors while Louis drowned himself in thoughts of warm things.

“Are you sure you don’t want some of this blanket, Louis?” Harry looked seriously concerned.

“I-I Promise I-I’m fine,” Louis chattered. His whole body was shaking and he really wanted to be in that blanket, but he wouldn’t let himself. That was weird. He hadn’t even known Harry for more than a day. He wasn’t going to share that close of a space with him.

A voice shouted over the intercom that they could go back inside and Louis had to hold himself back from sprinting.

“Nice talking to you, Harry!” Niall called as they retreated into their respective doors. “He’s a nice guy, Lou!”

“Sure is,” Louis grumbled as he flew into his bedroom and threw himself under the covers, his whole body shivering.

Niall followed him, taking a seat on the end of the bed, “How was your day?”

Louis poked his head out to look at Niall, “Long, exhausting, hard, tiring, need I continue?” His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he hit the pillow.

“So does that mean you don’t wanna go play soccer?” His voice was almost pleading, already trying to change Louis’ mind before he even answered.

“Not really, Ni. I just want to sleep.” He crossed his forearms over his eyes.

“Harry said he was gonna be there, so I think I’m gonna go.”

“What, are you friends now or something?” Louis scoffed.

“I mean, yeah. He’s a nice guy, Lou, like I said-”

“Okay.”

“So you’re coming?”

“What? No-“

“I thought you liked him. Usually I can tell by the way you interact with people. Am I wrong this time?” Niall smirked down at him, even though his eyes were closed beneath his arms.

“Yes. You’re completely wrong. I’ve only known the guy for like, a day. We can’t be friends yet, that’s not how it works.” 

“Whatever, Lou. I’m leaving in ten if you wanna come.” He got up off his bed and into the living room.

Louis could hear him lacing up his sneakers and packing his backpack outside the door. He was debating with himself whether he should study, write his paper, sleep, or play soccer, and he finally decided: fuck it, lets play soccer.

 

They walked into the rec a couple minutes before open gym began, scoping out who all showed up. There were a couple kids from Louis and Niall’s classes that they pointed out to each other, but other than that, there was a load of strangers.

Louis really hoped that Harry wouldn’t show up. He was already having too many thoughts consume his head and he didn’t need any more, especially ones of long, lanky boys in soccer shorts and sneakers.

Almost on command, Niall is shouting Harry’s name and their bro-hugging it out in the rec while Louis stands there like a fish out of water.

“Hey, Louis!” Harry didn’t reach out for him this time, remembering how uncomfortable Louis had gotten on the bus. “Ready to play?”

His hair was tied up in this ridiculous half bun, letting it run down his cheeks and to his shoulders. He was wearing a white t-shirt and red soccer shorts, not that Louis was looking anyway. His sneakers even matched his outfit, with red and white stripes along the sides.

“Always ready for some soccer!”

But he wasn’t sure he was ready to play against Harry.

The indoor court was much smaller than the outdoor, but because of the weather, they decided this was the best option. They split up into teams, Niall and Louis sticking together and Harry following the opposing team.

He brought two fingers to his eyes and pointed them at Louis, followed by a giggle. It was easily the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

He decided to shoot a sarcastic smile back at him for shits and giggles, which had Harry falling into fits of laughter once again.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through this game without giving away his fond of him, despite his uneasiness to do so.

***

Every once in a while, when Louis was locking up the apartment before leaving for class, Harry would walk out at the same time. Louis would never say anything to him, just shoot him a soft smile and be on his way, but today Louis decided to change that.

Harry was looking extra sophisticated today. He was in dark grey slacks and a matching blazer, along with a white undershirt and navy blue tie. Every piece of clothing fit him sinfully well, clinging to all the right places and falling loosely in others. His hair was perfectly styled, swooping over the front of his face with perfect ringlets waterfalling past his cheeks.

“Why are you dressed so fancy?” Louis turned the key and placed it in his jean pocket.

Harry seemed caught off guard, but he answered kindly, “I have a job interview today.” He struggled with locking his door, probably because he was trying to multi-task and look at Louis while doing it.

“Ah, for what?” Louis was genuinely curious. Probably something ten times better than the local bookstore.

“A translator for some kids at school. I would get to sit in on their classes and translate what their teachers are lecturing. Hopefully English though because writing is my favorite.” He stuffed his hands in his slack pockets, gazing down at Louis.

“That’s really awesome. You’d be great at that.” And Louis wasn’t even lying. He knew Harry would be great at that because Harry was so talented with people. Any type of communication he was bound to succeed at.

“Thanks, Lou.” And there it was again. The nickname.

Louis smiled and let his eyes fall to his adidas on his feet, scuffing them shyly on the concrete.

“I better get going. I’ll see you around?” He phrased it as a question, almost as if he wanted to see Louis again.

“Yeah, see ya around,” he reassured Harry as he made his way towards the stairs, “good luck.”

Harry gave him a huge thumbs up and an award-winning smile, and Louis was left yet again to contemplate what this boy was doing to him.

***

Later that night, after spending several hours at the library, Louis finally decided it was time to go back to the apartment.

It was a warmer night than it had been, a light jacket over his t-shirt was keeping him warm.

The bus didn’t run this late, so Louis had to walk all the way back, but he didn’t mind. It gave him some time to himself.

He listened to all of the cars fly by, the birds chirping in the trees. He watched his shadow follow behind him, making him look as tall as he actually wanted to be. 

He was a little bit scared of being alone at night, but only because his mind drifted to horrific places. He would think about being kidnapped, or someone following him all the way home. He didn’t do this on purpose, it just seemed to be how his brain worked at times.

He started to walk a bit faster as his brain picked up, getting more and more paranoid as he went.

A small black sports car began to slow down next to him, nearly making him break out into a sprint.

The driver rolled the window down and stuck his elbow out, “Do you need a ride?” It was Harry.

Louis was still about two miles away from the apartment complex, so he gave him a small nod.

“Hop in.” Harry unlocked the doors and motioned for Louis to come around to the other side. “Why are you walking this late?” He asked as soon as Louis sat down.

“The bus doesn’t run right now and I was at the library.” Louis wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, but he wasn’t an ass either.

“Well, you can always let me know if you need anything.” Harry was still dressed in the same attire as this morning, but with his hands up on the steering wheel, Louis got to observe the assortment of rings that littered his fingers. Those horrific thoughts in his head were becoming sinful, lustful ones. He needed to distract himself.

“Did you get that job?” Louis’ eyes were now focused out the window, watching as the street lamps passed by.

“You remembered.” He looked pleasantly surprised, “Yes, I did.” His face was glowing now as the soft, blue light of the dashboard lit up his face, a proud smile spread across his lips. 

“That’s great, Harry. Congrats.” Louis could feel his emotion, his pride, his excitement. He wanted to share that with him, but he didn’t know why. He felt truly happy for Harry, like he had known this is what he wanted to do for a long time, but in reality he just found out this morning.

“Thank you, Lou. Means a lot.” He pulled the car into the lot, putting it into park and clicking his lights off.

Louis wanted to stay seated, but he thought that’d be weird, so he got out and shut the door gently.

They walked up the stairs side by side, no words being exchanged. 

Harry slipped off his fancy shoes in the rack by his welcome mat and began to unlock his door, “Have a good night, Louis.”

Louis didn’t have a welcome mat or a place to put his shoes, so he simply unlocked his door, “You too.”

He watched as Harry retreated inside, wishing he could find a way to bring him back out.

***

The next couple of weeks went by pretty smoothly, other than Louis being bombarded with thoughts of the curly headed boy next door. Every Tuesday and Thursday he had to walk by the Audiology building, forcing him to think about that long, lean body and slow, enticing voice. And on top of that, he had two tests next week and another psychology paper to finish, and of course work made sure to schedule him in every crevice of free time he had to offer, so nothing was getting done. He felt helpless, often working himself down to the very core to get everything done the way he wanted to. He was exhausted.

He sat at the table, unable to focus due to Niall’s FIFA match blaring on the television.

“Goddammit!” Niall’s opponent scored another goal, which further proved Louis’ point that Niall was shitty at the game.

“Can you turn that down a little? I’m really trying to get this paper written,” Louis asked patiently.

“Let me finish this match and I’ll be done, I swear.” He kicked his feet up into a criss-cross position on their couch, leaning into the television for a better view, “What paper are ya working on?”

“Psychology. Not that hard, but just a lot of research. I’m almost done,” Louis moved to the couch next to Niall, extending his legs on top of him and stretching out, resting his laptop on his stomach.

“Just do your best, okay? I’ll proofread it if you want me to.” Niall was so gentle with Louis whenever he knew something could be an anxiety trigger. That’s why he was Louis’s best mate, always understanding of how Louis felt in every situation.

“I’m trying not to stress, but you know how I am…” he was jabbing away at the keys, attempting to finish his concluding paragraph before Niall had the chance to distract him.

“How about we go out tonight?” Well, that definitely wasn’t enough time.

“Ni, I have to finish this paper. Maybe tomorrow?”

“It’s Friday! Please Louis, we haven’t been out in ages,” Niall paused his game, turning his head towards him, “I’ll buy you a drink.”

Louis let out a heavy sigh, “Alright.” He never passed up a free drink, especially since he could only have one due to his medicine.

He popped his anxiety pill and changed his clothes, then they were off for a stress-free night at the bar.

 

Louis was leaving his only class of the day on Monday when he saw him again; holding up a sign that read what Louis assumed to be ‘ASL’ in sign language on a giant piece of poster board. He had a group of four students in front of his booth who were listening intently to whatever he had to say, and that didn’t surprise Louis at all; his voice was captivating. He debated with himself whether or not he wanted to go up to Harry, but he continued walking instead, letting him finish with his crowd.

“Louis!” He turned his head towards the voice, no doubt in his mind who was calling his name.

Harry was waving his arms for Louis to come join him. Louis must have had perfect timing, because all the students that were surrounding his table were gone.

“Louis, hi!” As Louis got closer, Harry placed his sign on the table and opened his arms wide, “Long time no see. How are you?” He wrapped Louis into his chest and squeezed his arms around his tiny waist, Louis finding his place on his tip-toes with his arms around Harry’s neck, snuggling his face into Harry’s shoulder.

Louis didn’t understand why he wasn’t uncomfortable by the gesture. Just a few weeks ago, he was terrified of sharing a blanket with him. He wasn’t very fond of physical contact with strangers, but in this case he felt relieved. It had been too long since he had seen Harry.

“I’m good for a Monday, you?” Louis backed away, giving Harry a soft smile.

“So far, so good. We’ve had quite a few people at the table today,” Harry motioned towards a younger girl sitting behind the table, “haven’t we Penelope?” He gave her a subtle wink, causing her to blush and nod her head.

“What have you been up to today, Louis?” he pushed himself comfortably onto the table, crossing his arms over his chest and gazing over at the smaller boy.

He is so beautiful. His hair was in a neat bun with a few strands curving around his face. His army green t-shirt hung loosely over his torso, but fit snugly on his biceps. His black jeans gripped his thighs, and he topped it off with a matching pair of brown boots. Why did he always wear boots?

“I just went to class, that’s all,” Louis finally answered, eyeing Harry carefully.

“That sounds boring, but you know what would be more interesting?” Harry’s eyes brightened, quickly lifting himself off the table and placing his hands near his mouth, awaiting Louis’ response.

“What?”

“Learning more about ASL! What do ya think?”

“Sure.” How could Louis deny such an adorable, beautiful boy?

Harry clapped his hands and walked around the table by Penelope, motioning her to grab a flyer. He folded his hands in front of him and took a quick breath.

“Hi, I’m Harry and I’m the President of the ASL club!” He flashed a giant, white smile and Louis nearly fainted, “ASL stands for American Sign Language, which is the language people use to communicate with those who can’t hear. Here, I’ll show you.”

Harry brought his right hand up to his forehead, then pushed it into the air. He placed his hand on his chest, tapped his middle and forefingers from both hands together, then proceeded to spell out each letter of his name in sign language.

“Do you know what I said?” he asked excitedly.

“Umm…” Louis scratched his temple, attempting to make an educated guess on what Harry just did with his hands.

“Let me give you a hint,” he reached out and grabbed Louis’ right hand, crossing his middle finger over his pointer finger, “this is an ‘R’.”

Louis looked down at his hand, “So did you spell your name?”

“Yes, I did! I said, ’hello, my name is Harry!’ You’re becoming a pro already. You should join!” Before Louis could even laugh about it, Harry was shoving a flyer into his chest. “I’m serious, Louis. It’s so much fun and it’s really rewarding. Please?”

This got serious really fast and Louis wasn’t really sure how to answer. He never liked being a part of clubs unless he was forced to, but in this case he was kind of being forced.

“I’m not sure. Isn’t it too late?”

“Louis,” Harry gave him a hopeful sigh, “it’s only the fifth week of the semester. Please just give it a try, I promise you’ll like it.”

He looked down at the flyer Harry handed him, “I will be able to hold a conversation with someone in six months? That’s a big promise you’re making to a beginner.” He let his eyes crawl back up to Harry’s.

“I’ll help you. We’re neighbors, remember? There will be lots of time to practice!” Harry was getting excited, noticing Louis beginning to cave. “It isn’t the soccer club or anything, but it’s still fun!”

Louis barely knows this boy and he already can’t deny him of anything. His heart started to race, his throat started to close, and he was beginning to break a sweat. His heart was screaming yes, but his mind was convincing him it was too big of a commitment. Why now? Louis took a deep breath in his nose, letting it out as calmly as possible through his mouth. In four, out seven, Louis. His anxiety began to ambush him, robbing him of his breath and stability.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he managed to choke out, “do you happen to have any water?”

Penelope reached under the table, unscrewing the cap and handing Louis a water bottle.

“Thanks.” He sipped slowly, focusing on his breathing pattern.

“Are you okay, Louis?” Harry attempted to reach out and touch him, but retracted instead.

Louis longed for comfort in this moment. There was something telling him he wanted it from Harry, but he wouldn’t allow himself to believe it.

“Yes, m’fine,” he took another small sip of water, closing his eyes in the process, “I’ll come to the meeting on Wednesday. See you around, I’ve gotta catch the bus.”

He quickly turned and walked toward the bus stop in fear of revealing the anxious side of himself to Harry, attempting to ignore the saddened sound of his voice saying goodbye behind him.

 

“Niall, I screwed up!” Louis screamed, curled into a ball on his bed, face in his hands. His entire body shook, his breathing quickened, and he was sobbing.

“Louis,” Niall sounded worried, but his voice was too far away for Louis’ comfort.

“Niall!” Louis attempted to screamed louder, throat closing, brain on fire, “Niall, please help.”

Niall rushed in and sat on Louis’ bed, pulling him into his lap, “Shh.” He rubbed his back rhythmically, trying to create a pattern for Louis to breathe to.

“Focus, Lou.” Niall cradled him in his arms, applying just enough pressure for Louis’ comfort, “How’s your family, Lou? How are the twins?”

Louis took the deepest breath he could manage, attempting to find the pattern of Niall’s hand on his back, “Good.”

“How about your mom?”

“Good,” his body trembled aggressively, causing Niall to hold on tighter.

“What’d you have for breakfast this morning?”

“Toast and tea,” he squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling. He reached out to pinch his skin, but Niall quickly grasped his hand, squeezing it in his own.

“You don’t want to do that, Lou. Squeeze my hand.”

Louis gripped Niall’s hand with all his might, hoping it would ease the urge to harm himself.

“What time did you wake up?”

“Too early.”

Niall laughed a bit at that, smiling down at Louis, “So what, ten? Eleven?”

Louis let out a shaky laugh, “Nine.”

“Lou, that’s nothing!” He could feel Louis beginning to calm down, his breath becoming more steady.

“Oh, shut up,” Louis finally rubbed his eyes and opened them, looking up at Niall, silently thanking him.

“Hey, remember that one time you broke the tv while playing FIFA because you didn’t want me to beat you?” Niall’s eyes found Louis’, eyebrows wiggling up and down in a teasing manner.

Louis reached his hand up and slapped Niall across the cheek, “Hush, you douche. That was one time.”

He sat up on his bed and rested his back against the headboard, “Plus, you weren’t going to win anyways. And I won a new tv the next week.” His hands were crossed over his chest, pressing deeply to help his breathing.

“Whatever, Lou,” Niall patted Louis’ bare shins, scooting towards the end of his bed. “Did you take your meds today?”

Louis’ face dropped and his shoulders slumped, “No.” He knew how important it was to stay on schedule with them, but sometimes he forgot.

“Louis, it’s okay. I’ll go get them. Stay here.” Niall pushed himself off the bed and disappeared out the door, returning only a few seconds later. “Here, I brought you some water too.” He handed Louis a small glass, just enough to flush his pills down.

“Thanks, Ni,” Louis took what Niall had brought him, chasing the pills with his water, and reached out to hand it back to him.

“Okay, I was nice enough to bring you that, I’m not your maid. You can go put it away, Lou,” Niall said in a joking tone, winking over at him and walking back into the living room, leaving Louis hanging with the empty glass.

Louis got up off his bed, put his cup in the sink, and sat himself on the couch next to Niall. “You know, you’ve been extra anxious these past couple of weeks. Is everything okay? Do I need to remind you to take your medicine?”

“No, I can do it. It’s just been rough, that’s all.” He reached down to the tie on his shorts, giving him something to distract himself with.

“Niall,” Louis hesitated. He hated sharing his feelings, never knowing how the other person was going to respond, “Have you ever felt different around someone that you’ve just met?” He didn’t take his eyes off the frayed string of his shorts, impatiently waiting for Niall’s reply.

“What do you mean by different?” Niall questioned, shoving a handful of chips into his mouth.

“I don’t know, like,” Louis let out a heavy sigh, “I think I like this guy, Niall, but I’ve never liked anybody so quickly and I don’t want him to have to deal with my anxiety and-”

“Louis,” Niall threw his bag of chips onto the table and muted the television, “who is it? What’s his name? Is he cute?”

“Niall!” Louis rolled his eyes, blush creeping up his neck. He knew Niall was going to rub it in as soon as Louis told him it was Harry, so he dragged it out. “He’s gorgeous, Niall. He’s tall, his hair is long and curly, his eyes are this beautiful shade of green,” Louis stared up at the ceiling, imagining Harry in his army green shirt, waving him a confused goodbye earlier this afternoon. Niall was still clueless. “I got scared today and I started freaking out,” Louis squeezed his eyes shut, his forehead creasing in regret, “I started to panic and I left him all confused. I didn’t take my medicine and I drank two cups of caffeinated tea this morning, that’s what did it.” He reached his hands up to his face, rubbing in circles under his eyes. “He hugged me, Niall. He hugged me.”

Niall’s eyes grew wide, “What did you do?” He knew Louis better than anyone.

“Well… I hugged him back,” Louis let his arms fall to his sides, chuckling a little. “It felt… good.”

“Wow, you must like him a lot, Lou. What’s his name?” Niall faced his whole body towards Louis, tucking one leg under his thigh, giving him his full attention.

“Harry.”

“Our neighbor, Harry?” Niall’s eyes widened even more, clearly taken aback by Louis’ response, but quickly softening.

“Yes.”

“I knew you liked him, you liar. He’s a cutie. He also has that cute roommate, Liam,” Niall winked playfully at Louis, hoping to get him calm again.

“I didn’t think I did at the time,” Louis sighed. But the thing is, he did. He has known he likes Harry since that day on the bus.

“Does Niall have a crush too?” Louis joked after taking a deep breath, finally feeling back to normal again.

“Maybe a little one, but too bad I’m straight or else I’d might have to give it a go,” Niall fell over onto the couch, laughing hysterically.

“You’re unreal,” Louis laughed along with him, reaching for the remote and unmuting the television.

 

Another Tuesday meant another day of walking by the Audiology building, which meant more struggling for Louis. He couldn’t figure out why Harry made him feel so light and fluttery. Why didn’t he feel like this with Niall? He didn’t care if Niall touched him, but it didn’t make him feel attracted to him. Every glimpse or reminder of Harry seemed to make Louis’ heart contract in his chest, and he wasn’t used to that. He climbed the stairs and sat down in the last row of the classroom, ready to take on his communications lecture along with his four hundred classmates.

“Hello class,” Louis’ professor set his bag down at the front, clapping his hands together in front of the classroom. “A fellow student of yours has come to inform you of a club that I think is very important to communicating with others. Please be respectful while he is speaking, it should only take a few minutes.”

Louis scoffed, fixing his eyes on his notebook, doodling nonsense into the blank page. He didn’t like wasting his time when he had other things to do.

“Hello peers,” a deep voice came from the front of the room. Louis’ eyes immediately shot up, searching for the owner of that long, drawn-out voice. “I’m here today to talk to you about the American Sign Language club!” His eyes were bright and his smile was formed out of pure passion. He was wearing a ridiculous purple patterned shirt, but somehow it looked incredibly endearing on him. You’ve got to be kidding me.

Louis’ heart sped up in his chest, threatening to burst. Luckily he was in the back, maybe he wouldn’t have to make eye contact. All his brain could process was that Harry was in his class; somewhere that he usually wasn’t. Louis didn’t have any time to prepare for this.

Harry continued to talk about the benefits of ASL and how easy it was to learn while walking up and down the aisles, handing out the same flyer Louis received yesterday, “It’s easy to learn and extremely rewarding when you begin to translate more quickly, so please consider checking us out! Our first info meeting is tomorrow night at six! I would love to see you there!” He reached his hand up and combed through his curls, “Oh, and my name’s Harry! Thank you for your time!” He took a small bow and left the room, leaving Louis completely out of it for the rest of class.

 

Louis unlocked the door to his apartment, threw his backpack on the floor and retreated to his room. He fell face first into his pillow, letting out a dramatic groan.

“The whole world is against me!” Louis screamed into his pillow, clutching the seams.

He flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, pressing the pillow into his chest. “Why me?” he whispered to himself. He closed his eyes, a tear falling out of the corner of his eye and down his temple. He quickly wiped it away, not letting himself be this fed up over a guy that could possibly be straight. He didn’t even know if he was gay. He let out another loud groan, frustrated with himself for feeling this way.

There was a rhythmic knock at the door, causing Louis to shoot up off the bed.

“Niall, can you get that?” No response.

Louis walked towards the door, rubbing the wetness from his eyes with the back of both hands. He turned the knob and opened the door to an extremely cozy looking Harry in a beanie, sweatpants, and a sweatshirt. He was holding a large plate covered with aluminum foil and it smelled nothing shy of delicious.

“Hi, Louis.” Harry gave him a small smile from outside, looking down at his sneakers shyly.

His first thought was to shut the door in his face and go hide in his room and never come out, but he decided that would probably come off as rude.

“Um, hi.” Louis couldn’t take his eyes off him. He hadn’t even taken his hand off the doorknob he was so in awe at the fact that Harry was standing there.

“Can I come in? I brought cookies,” Harry held out the plate playfully, finally showing his pearly white teeth.

“Yeah, sure,” Louis smiled softly and stepped aside, inviting Harry into his apartment. What the hell was he doing? His eyes were still wet from crying over this boy five seconds ago.

“You left so suddenly yesterday,” he set the plate down on Louis’ table, then turned around to face him, “are you okay?” His forehead was creased in confusion and what seemed like concern, and that only made Louis more upset.

“Harry, I’m sorry,” Louis began shaking his head and combing his fingers rapidly through his hair. “I didn’t mean to be rude, it had nothing to do with you and I’m still gonna come to the meeting tomorrow, don’t worry-”

“Louis, hey,” Harry spoke softly, “It’s okay. You can tell me if something is bothering you.” Harry stared deeply into Louis’ eyes, searching for some kind of honest explanation. He hadn’t even attempted to get closer, still standing near the table with Louis a couple feet away.

What was Louis supposed to do? He wasn’t going to tell him about his anxiety. That would completely scare him away and he definitely didn’t want that.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied. “It was just a really busy day yesterday and I realized I had to finish a paper.” He shoved his hands in his pockets to hide how terribly he was shaking.

Harry faced his back towards him, allowing Louis to take a deep breath of relief, then spinning back around with a cookie in hand.  
“I made them myself. All from scratch. Try one,” he stepped forward and held the cookie up to Louis’ mouth, motioning for him to take a bite.

It seemed awfully domestic to Louis, but it still made his breath hitch. He decided not to argue anymore and took a bite of cookie into his mouth. It didn’t even crunch, the chocolate chips melting on his tongue.

“Holy shit, Harry. This cookie is insane,” he found himself grabbing the rest of the cookie from Harry’s hand and finishing it off.

“Thanks,” Harry laughed, “they’re my old bakery’s recipe.” He bit his lip, causing Louis’ stomach to churn and his heart to flutter. Harry’s lips were an unrealistic pink, like he had been biting them for a while before.

“Your old bakery?” Louis changed the subject as quickly as possible to stop these stupid thoughts from rolling through his head.

“Yeah, I used to work in a bakery before I came to school. I always made the cookies,” he shut his eyes playfully, a huge, proud grin spreading across his face.

Louis wanted to squeeze his dimpled cheeks.

“I was crowned the cookie king!”

He was the cutest human being on the entire planet.

“They’re amazing, thank you.”

He took a few steps closer to Harry, noticing Harry’s entire body tense. He lifted Harry’s arm up and ducked under it, grabbed another cookie from the plate, then retreated back to his original spot. Anything for that cookie.

“You’re welcome.” Harry was licking his bottom lip, causing Louis to freeze, unable to take a bite. His heart began to race, but not in the same way it did when anxiety began to take over.

“Lou!” They were interrupted by Niall barging into the apartment, tossing what sounded like bricks next to the door, and sprinting into the living room.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Niall’s eyes widened when he noticed Harry’s presence.

“What are you apologizing for? What’s up, man?” Harry embraced him easily, pulling him into a hug that looked a lot less intimate than the ones he gave Louis. Why was that?

“Good to see you, Haz! Are those cookies?” Haz? Since when did they give each other nicknames?

Louis clenched his fists together, a pit of jealously forming rapidly in his stomach.

Niall made his way around Harry, grabbing three cookies, then walking towards his room, “I’ll leave you two. Later!” And before they even had a chance to reply, Niall’s door was being slammed shut.

“Sorry,” Louis scratched nervously at the back of his neck, “I didn’t know he was coming home so soon and-”

Harry reached out and placed his hand on Louis’ shoulder, “Stop apologizing for everything,” he paused slightly, “Lou.”

Louis met Harry’s eyes, not ready for the intensity they radiated. So now he got his nickname. The jealously was slowly starting to disintegrate.

“Sorry. I mean, I am, but-” he let his eyes fall to his feet, panic beginning to fill his lungs. He let out a frustrated grumble. He liked Harry a lot. He wanted to tell him, but he hadn’t even accepted it fully for himself. 

Harry placed his forefinger under Louis’ chin, lifting his eyes back up to his, “Please tell me what’s wrong, Louis.”

Louis was too stimulated. He was feeling too many emotions all at once. Harry was too good for him and he didn’t want to upset him. He treats Louis differently and he’s not sure if he likes it or not. His heart was racing in different ways; his throat was beginning to close. He couldn’t take it.

“I’m sorry, I think you should go,” Louis took Harry’s hand off his shoulder, walking backwards towards the door.

“Louis-”

“I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow. Okay?” Louis squeezed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate on one thing at a time.

Harry’s head fell and he let out a defeated sigh.

“Okay. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call,” he smiled slightly, clear confusion and hurt on his face, closing Louis’ door behind him. 

After he left, Louis walked back to the table to grab another cookie; comfort food. When he lifted the aluminum off the top, he noticed a small pink sticky note attached to the bottom of the plate under the cookies. It was perfectly sketched out sign language with a number etched below it.

He googled the letters and what they meant, falling back into bed when he realized it read ’Call me anytime, xx’ with Harry’s number underneath.

 

Wednesday flew by. Every second that passed meant a second closer to the ASL meeting. Louis wasn’t sure he was ready to see Harry again, especially after how he reacted yesterday. He basically kicked Harry out of his apartment. He was such an idiot.

Louis took the bus back home, letting out a sigh of relief when it started on its route without Harry as a passenger.

“Niall, I can’t do this anymore,” he hung his keys on the hook and threw his backpack to the ground. This almost seemed routine; Louis would come home and complain to Niall about his feelings for Harry and Niall would question why he hadn’t told him yet.

“What did he do today, Lou?” Niall called jokingly from the kitchen.

Louis hoped that he was cooking dinner for the two of them.

“Absolutely nothing,” he made his way into the kitchen, pushing himself onto the counter. “I didn’t see him today. Nobody mentioned him today. I didn’t see that boy in the beanie that reminded me of him today. I don’t know what it is, Ni.” Louis let his head fall into his hands in frustration.

Niall opened the oven, a garlic aroma filling Louis’ nostrils, his stomach suddenly interested.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Lou,” he set the pan on the counter, moving to the pot of noodles on the stove. “You know you like him, so why don’t you just let things happen? I know that’s hard for you, but I think he’s different.” Niall brought a noodle to his mouth, tasting it, then shut off the stove.

“How do you know I like him?” Louis’ forehead creased in defense.

Niall faced Louis and placed his hands on his hips, “You kinda told me. Remember? Plus, I knew before you.” He finished the last important steps of the spaghetti, scooping heaping piles of noodles into each bowl.

“Whatever,” Louis scoffed and slid off the counter, grabbing the bowl Niall had made for him.

“I’m serious, Louis. Give him a chance. He’s in ASL club for fuck’s sake. He may suck at soccer, but at least he plays. He makes bomb ass cookies!” He shoved Louis playfully, trying to get him to loosen up. “He even offered to help you learn sign language. Like, a one-on-one lesson. That would be a good way to get to know him!”

“That sounds utterly terrifying... but I’ll try,” he replied, spooning noodles into his mouth.

“Under one condition, though,” Niall looked seriously at Louis.

“What’s that?”

“He has to make enough dessert for me when he makes it for you.”

“Sure thing, Ni,” Louis rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t even hide the fond he had for his best friend.

***

They cleaned their plates and sat down on the couch, tangling their legs together easily.

“When’s that meeting?” Niall asked curiously.

“Five minutes.”

“Louis!” Niall shot up off the couch, placing his hands on his head, “What are you doing then?”

“I’m not going, Niall.” Louis let the back of his head hit the arm of the couch, closing his eyes.

“Yes, you are. Let’s go, I’m driving,” Niall grabbed Louis’ arm, yanking him off the couch.

“Ni-”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Louis. Put on your shoes. We just talked about this and I’m not letting you mope and pine around, let’s go.”

And one minute later, they were out the door and on the way to campus for the meeting.

***

They walked in only a few minutes late, finding it to be surprisingly full for as far into the semester as it was.

“Welcome, please come in!” The voice was familiar, but it wasn’t Harry’s. Louis longed to hear that slow, deep voice, but he also wasn’t looking forward to it. “We’re just getting started, come find a seat,” Penelope greeted them at the door, pointing to two open seats near the back.  
Harry was already in his place at the front, papers in hand and information on the board behind him. He was in a patterned red shirt that was tucked in near the front and tight black skinny jeans that hugged his thighs deliciously. His hair flowed neatly past his shoulders, perfectly curling around his face. He was effortlessly gorgeous. Louis wanted to tug on his curls and curl up into his arms.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Niall whispered, “just remember that I’m always right.” Louis opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Harry beginning the meeting.

“Good evening, classmates. I’m very excited that you are interested in learning sign language!” he glanced up from his paper and took a quick look at the group in front of him. “It’s not easy, but I promise with our help, you’ll be learning in no time!” A genuine smile easily took over his face, proving that he really was passionate about his club.

“He has really nice teeth,” Niall whispered, “he’s probably a good kisser.”

Louis’ face went red, punching Niall in the arm as a silent plea for him to shut up.

Harry continued to inform them about the benefits of ASL and all the requirements needed to join. It felt like he was staring straight at Louis, but he was probably just psyching himself out.

“If you’d like to sign up, please meet me in the back to fill out forms! Thank you again for your interest!” He retreated to the back of the room, clearly making eye contact with Louis and shooting him a smile.

Niall looked at him with widened eyes, “He’s so into you, Louis. Damn, I should be some kind of relationship specialist!” Louis just rolled his eyes, grabbed Niall’s wrist, and dragged him to the back.

“Hey Lou, so good to see you!” Harry greeted Louis with open arms yet again, leaving Louis no choice but to fall into them, not that he was complaining.

“Hey, sorry about yesterday,” Louis’ eyes fell to the floor out of embarrassment, words coming out as barely a whisper.

“Quit apologizing,” Harry flashed him another smile, “it’s alright, I promise.”

“Thanks,” Louis returned his smile, feeling a little more at ease now that Harry had forgiven him. “Sometimes I just get a little nervous and–”

“You don’t have to explain to me here, it’s okay. Did you want to sign up?” He held out a pen, offering it to Louis.

“Of course I do,” he grabbed it, writing his name down under a couple of other people. “You too, Ni.”

Niall grabbed the pen and scribbled his name under Louis’, “What am I getting myself into?”

Harry laughed, “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“You make a lot of promises,” Niall questioned jokingly.

“And I intend to keep them all.” Harry took the pen back from Niall, gave Louis a small wink, and began talking to the next people in line.

“He is really genuine, Lou,” Niall placed his hand protectively on the small of Louis’ back, guiding him out of the building.

“Yeah, I know, do you see my dilemma?” Louis let out a heavy sigh.

“No, actually, why don’t you just go for him? I’ll kill him if he does anything to you, but I really don’t think he will.”

They climbed into Niall’s Jeep, buckling in and taking off.

“I know, but-”

“No but’s, Louis. If you know, just go with it.”

Louis let his head hit the back of the seat, clenching his fists, “Fine.” 

 

The next morning Louis woke up to a fresh omelet being placed on his bedside table.

“Good morning, Lou!” Niall’s cheeky smile greeted him, followed by a light peck on his forehead. “I made you breakfast, I hope it’s good!” 

He set a glass of milk next to the plate, then sat at the foot of his bed.

“What’s this about, Ni?” Louis’ forehead creased, eyebrows furrowing.

“I just want you to have a good day, that’s all,” he reached out and grabbed Louis’ hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I worry about you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” Louis’ eyes fell to his omelet, stomach suddenly growling.

Niall’s eyes were filled with concern, grin wiped off his face, “Okay.” 

He gave Louis’ hand another small squeeze, then got up to leave the room.

“Niall,” Louis choked out before he got out the door, “I think I’m gonna give Harry a chance. I’m gonna try to be friends.”

Niall’s face immediately lit up. He turned around and jumped onto Louis’ bed, climbed onto his chest and littered his face with kisses. 

“I’m so proud of you, Lou,” he grabbed Louis’ face in his hands, rubbing gently under his eyes with his thumbs. He planted another kiss on his forehead, “If he does anything to you I swear I’ll rip him a new one.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. I just don’t like putting myself on others, Ni.” He brought his hands up to Niall’s and took them off his face, “I don’t want him to think I’m crazy.”

“You aren’t crazy. Get that out of your head right now. You are so much more than what you struggle with, Louis.” He slid off Louis and lay next to him, pulling Louis’ head to his chest. “He’s already shown that he likes you and I think he’ll be a good friend. I wouldn’t tell you otherwise, you know that.” Niall let his fingers run through his friend’s hair, untangling knots as he went.

“You know me better than anyone,” Louis smiled against Niall’s chest.

“That I do, now eat your omelet before it gets cold. I have to get to class.” Niall got up, letting Louis’ head hit the mattress. 

“Since when do you go to class?”

“Oh, shut up,” Niall couldn’t hold in his laugh because he knew it was true.

“Have a good day, Ni! Thanks for everything.”

“Love you, Lou!” He shouted from the kitchen as the front door shut behind him.

 

Louis wasn’t good at first moves, but he really wanted to text Harry. He had to walk by the Audiology building today and he was thinking maybe they could meet up after he got out of class. He had his number for over a month now, but never had the courage to contact him. As soon as he was about to chicken out, his phone began blasting The Script and he quickly picked up.

“Hello?”

“I see you.” It was that terribly slow, deep voice.

“Harry?”

“How’d you know it was me?” Louis could feel him pouting through the phone and it was almost too cute for him to handle.

“Where are you?” He began looking around for the tall, lanky boy, but couldn’t see him anywhere. “And how did you get my number?”

Harry giggled, “I asked Niall for it because I got too impatient waiting for you to call me. Turn around.”

Louis turned his body to see Harry walking towards him, phone still up to his ear. Niall, that bastard.

“Want to grab some lunch?”

“Um, sure,” Louis was still talking into the phone like an idiot, surprised by his own response. Guess this was what friendship was.

Harry took Louis into his chest, wrapping his arms around his neck and squeezing gently, “How are you, Lou?” He let his head rest on top of the smaller boys’.

Louis was screaming inside, but his brain somehow decided to form a coherent response, “I’m alright. You?”

Harry held him out at arms length, gripping at his shoulders, “I’m great. Now let’s go eat.”

What was it about Louis that made Harry be so nice to him? And why was Louis still so timid towards him? His stomach got this weird feeling every time they were in close proximity and Louis wasn’t too sure how he felt about it yet. He loved the way it felt when he was in Harry’s arms, but he didn’t want to attach too easily. This could get really complicated.

 

“So,” Harry was looking Louis straight in the eye and holding his burger in one hand, showing off how insanely big his hands were, “what do you like to do, Louis?” He took his eyes off only to take a bite, then proceeded to give Louis his attention.

“Um, I don’t know…” Louis mumbled nervously, tearing apart a fry that lay in front of him.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Everybody loves to do something, even if it’s just watching television!” Harry’s hands were flailing around to further exaggerate his point and Louis had to bite his lip to hold back a smile.

“Okay, okay,” he put his hands up in surrender, “I like to play FIFA and a little bit of the piano.”

“That’s more like it!” Harry’s smile nearly blinded him, looking thoroughly pleased that Louis stated something he enjoyed.

“What do you like to do?” This was Louis’ first attempt at being friends with Harry and he was utterly terrified at the idea of letting someone in, but it wasn’t too bad.

“I like to bake and sign, but I’m pretty shit at video games and soccer, which you already know, so if you ever want to play someone you’re guaranteed to beat, just knock on my door,” Harry’s chest was shaking lightly in rhythm with his laugh and Louis was getting way too comfortable way too fast.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he picked up a piece of the fry he had ripped and ate it carefully.

“Are you always so timid, Louis?” Harry’s shift in mood startled Louis, causing him to look up at the boy across from him.

“W-what do you mean?” This is where the panic began to roll in.

“I feel like you could be so much more…” he thought for a second, thinking deeply about the correct word to use, “outgoing.”

“Outgoing?” Louis’ eyebrows shot up at that, and he allowed himself to let out a laugh. “What are you suggesting?”

“Oh…” Harry’s cheeks immediately turned pink, “I thought-”

“I am gay.” Well, that was a quick jump.

“Oh, good,” his eyes were filled with relief and he took another giant bite of his burger, almost causing Louis to prove to Harry that his hypothesis was correct.

He gave Louis a soft smile through his bite, “Just so you know, I am too.”

Louis had to shove another fry into his mouth in order to keep his jaw from hitting the floor. This completely changed everything. His heart was beating a million miles per hour.

“Oh,” he took a long time to swallow, gaining the confidence for what he was about to say, “good to know.”

Harry looked up at him, letting his teeth peek through his smirk before he took another bite, and that’s when Louis knew that Harry Styles was going to be the death of him.

 

Louis somehow got roped into Harry’s apartment after lunch. It was embarrassingly cleaner than Louis and Niall’s and there were several pieces of art and decoration scattering the walls. Harry’s roommate, Liam, had his workout equipment neatly in the corner of the living room and Harry’s pots and pans had their own space in the kitchen. Everything was so well organized, which was nearly impossible for Louis to achieve when living with Niall.

They had found themselves curled up on opposite ends of the couch, snacking on popcorn and watching tv. It took them at least ten minutes to choose a channel, since Harry was insisting that Louis pick, but Louis couldn’t make up his mind.

“What do you watch when you’re at home?” Harry questioned.

“Harry, I don’t know, you pick.”

“You’re the guest, Louis, you pick.”

“It’s your apartment, Harry, you pick.”

They were both laughing at this point, Harry playfully kicking Louis’ feet against his own and throwing pieces of popcorn at him.

“How about cupcake wars?” Harry’s eyes lit up, a huge smile taking over his face.

He looked so adorable in this moment, Louis thought. His curls were dangling carelessly around his face, his floral-patterned shirt was halfway unbuttoned, and his lips were a sinful shade of pink. He looked so at peace; so comfortable with Louis.

“Sure,” Louis replied with a matching smile, curling his feet back up to his thighs, “whatever you want.” And Louis actually meant it.

“Thanks, Lou,” he stretched his legs out to where they were touching Louis’, but quickly pulled them back, “oh, do you mind? I have pretty long legs.” And how could Louis say no to that cheeky, boyish smile or those long legs that fit his body so perfectly?

“Don’t mind at all,” he sat criss-cross on the couch, patting his lap gently, allowing Harry’s feet to rest there. Just like with Niall, he convinced himself.

“Thanks.” And Louis’ could’ve sworn he saw him blushing.

After two episodes of bake-off, Liam walked through the door with a confused look on his face.

“Hey, H. Who’s this?”

Harry brought his legs off Louis’ lap and stretched them out in front of him, “This is my friend, Louis.”

“Who said I was your friend?” Louis’ bit back, but he couldn’t help the lighter tone and the extreme level of fond that radiated from his voice.

“I like him already,” Liam walked into the living room after setting his backpack down and sat on the coffee table, facing them. He reached out his hand towards Louis, “Liam.”

“Nice to meet you,” Louis easily took Liam’s hand in his own, baffled by how strong his grip was. He had an amazingly toned body, wearing a muscle shirt to prove it. Just shaking Louis’ hand caused veins to peep out on his forearms.

Liam held Louis’ gaze for a while, simply just smiling at him. It was almost an awkward amount of time, but Louis didn’t think he minded. He was just trying to be friendly. 

“Okay, stop flirting with my friend, Li,” Harry kicked at Louis and Liam’s intertwined hands.

“Not flirting, just introducing myself, although he does have nice hair.”

Liam began to do some weird things with his hands and arms, catching Louis off guard. It wasn’t until Harry’s eyes went wide and he began angrily flailing his arms back that Louis realized it was sign language.

Louis brought his forefinger and thumb up to his fringe, self-consciously brushing it to the side, “Thanks, mate.” He let his eyes fall to his thighs.

“Okay, okay, seriously,” Harry crossed his arms over his chest, full on pout taking over his face, “did you even bring home dinner?”

“Nope, sorry, H,” he got up from the table and proceeded to wrap a finger in one of Harry’s curls, tugging it harshly. Harry’s mouth dropped open, but no sound came out and Louis stared for a few seconds too long.

“Fuck off,” Harry finally choked out, shoving Liam away. Liam retreated to his room after throwing Harry a few more signs.

“Sorry about that,” Harry scratched the back of his head nervously.

“Sorry about what? I like Liam,” Louis gave him a reassuring smile, but it was gone quickly when he realized Harry’s face had dropped. “Harry, what’s up?”

Louis wanted to pull him into his arms just like Niall does to him. He was already diving into this friendship full force and it was absolutely terrifying. Oh, what the hell, he thought.

He scooted closer to Harry on the couch and rested a shaky hand on top of his thigh, “I’ve only known you for a couple of months, but you’re always smiling, what’s wrong? I saw Liam knows sign language too, what was he saying?”

Harry still hadn’t made eye contact with Louis yet, eyes focused on the television, but Louis knew he wasn’t watching it. He reached over and grabbed the remote, turning it off and then gazing back at Harry.

“Nothing, he was being a dick.”

“Harry-” Louis was trying so hard to be helpful, but he felt as if he wasn’t qualified to help anybody.

“Louis, I like you.” He un-crossed his arms and finally gave Louis the eye contact he longed for, followed by a deep sigh, “I’ve been trying to be your friend for ages now and today is the first day you’ve actually obliged and I’m honestly ecstatic and surprised that you didn’t say no or try to avoid me or push me away or-”

“Har-” This is not what he was expecting. His heart rate was through the roof within a span of .2 seconds.

“And I’m sorry if whatever you’re going through is serious, but I just want to let you know I’m here for you and I didn’t like seeing you interact with him like that because it seemed so easy and-”

Harry continued speaking, probably the fastest Louis had ever heard him speak, but his brain couldn’t take any more. He had spent a lot of time with Harry today, more than he could ever spend with anyone really, and it was really starting to get to him.

“Harry, quit!” His tone had more bite than he intended, but it made Harry stop his rambling. “I’m fine, I really am.” Lie. “Thank you for being there for me, I really appreciate it.” Truth. “I think it’s time for me to get going, Niall was going to make dinner tonight.” Lie.

He got up from the couch abruptly, immediately feeling anxious; too many things at once.

“Lou, did I-” He matched Louis’ move, standing up next to him.

“No, Harry, it’s not you, I just have to go,” he slipped his toes into his Vans, squishing down the backs with his heels.

He felt awful. He couldn’t let Harry see him like this. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes and he absolutely hated when he felt this way. He fixed his eyes on the ground in order to hide his face.

He wanted everything to do with Harry and he wanted to stay, but something was telling him that he despised every bit of it. He was nearly to the door when a large set of hands were spinning him around by the shoulders and pulling him into his chest.

“Harry, get off-” Louis pressed his palms in to Harrys chest, attempting to get push away.

“This is what I mean. Talk to me, Lou. I’m not gonna let you keep running from me anymore. I just told you I liked you, you aren’t getting off that easy.”

Louis’ hands were pressed to his chest in fists now and Harry was squeezing with force, causing Louis to have a relieving pressure, air attempting to fill his lungs. He was breathing deeply at this point, battling with the thought of wanting to stay and wanting to run away. This was the hard part about diving headfirst into this whole “friendship” thing - Louis was diving way too fast.

“I’m here for you, Louis.”

And then his tears were staining Harry’s shirt. He could feel them seeping through the fabric and onto his skin. He could feel his lungs burning in his chest, failing to create enough air for him to breathe. He could feel Harry’s hands rubbing patterns up and down his back, and his long strands of hair brushing the sides of his face. He could feel way too much all at once. He could feel Harry’s generosity, the amount that he cared for Louis. His brain was going to explode.

“Breathe, Louis.”

And he couldn’t. He didn’t think his lungs could function anymore. He felt like he was going to faint.

“I can’t,” he sobbed. His legs began to give out, slowly forcing him to lean his body weight onto Harry.

“Come here.” Harry placed an arm behind Louis’ legs, lifting him into the air and pressing his head into his chest. “It’s gonna be okay, Lou. Keep breathing, I’ve got you.”

Harry moved him to his room, setting him carefully on the bed. He pulled out his phone and rang Niall, hoping for some kind of advice.

“Just ask him questions, mate. Especially about his family. His mom, his sisters and the twins. I’m not at the apartment and I can’t make it fast enough, just keep him thinking. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, Lou,” Harry reached out and grabbed his cheeks lightly with both hands, “what did you have for lunch today, huh?”

“A burger.”

“Was it good?”

“Yes,” he replied between heaves of air.

“Did you talk to your mom today?”

“Yes.”

“What about the twins?”

“Yeah.”

Louis was starting to gain more control over his breathing. This pattern of questions and short answers went on for a while until Louis was finally answering in complete sentences and breathing normally.

“Do you want some tea?” Harry wiped the tear streaks from under his closed eyes.

“Please.” In the amount of time it took Harry to go make his tea, Louis had fallen asleep.

***

Louis flickered his eyes open, adjusting them to the light. He was curled into a ball, his head resting on something soft, but it wasn’t a pillow.

“Lou,” fingers were running gently through his hair and scratching soothingly up and down his back, “you alright? You fell asleep.”

The voice was deep and slow, but it almost made Louis more relaxed. He couldn’t quite find words yet, but he opened his eyes fully to look around. He wasn’t in Niall’s room; the floor was far too clean and visible.

“Here, drink this, it’s mellow mind tea.”

He was being sat up gently and rested against someone’s chest. He heard a soft blow of air and then a cool surface was being touched to his lips, followed by a hot liquid falling into his mouth.

“Do you like it?”

There were fingers skirting through his hair and the tea was delicious, so he simply nodded. He really thought it was Niall.

“Niall, what happened? And how did you know this happened? Where did Harry go? Did I scare him off?” Louis was suddenly confused, creasing his eyebrows and searching the room. “Oh.”

And then he remembered. He shot up off Harry’s chest, causing the tea to spill on his shirt.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I can explain.”

“Louis,” he set the tea down on the bedside table, “let me get you a new shirt.”

“No, I can just go home and get one.”

This was awful. This was Louis’ worst nightmare. He started getting up from the bed, but was met with Harry’s embrace.

“Stay. I promise it’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

His hands were cupping Louis’ face like it was the most precious, fragile thing on earth. He looked down at him with soft, green eyes that completely melted Louis. He could stare into them forever.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stop apologizing and talk to me. Please?”

He made careful steps towards the bed, motioning for Louis to follow him. He grabbed a shirt out of his drawer and handed it to Louis before crawling onto the bed.

“Come curl up with me.” He sat with his back against the headboard, his legs out in front of him, and his arms open wide, waiting for the smaller boy.

Louis stripped out of his tea-stained shirt and slipped on the one Harry gave him. It hung off his shoulders, revealing his collar bones and fell loosely down his small waist, clearly proving it was too big for him.

“You look cute in that. Makes you look small. C’mere.” He opened and closed his hands, calling Louis towards him.

“Harry-”

“Forget about everything you’re thinking in your head and just listen to me,” his eyes were full of concern and sincerity, warming Louis’ insides the longer he gazed into them.

“O-okay,” he climbed carefully onto the bed and lay next to Harry, back resting against the headboard. He let his hands rest on his stomach, messing with the soft fabric of Harry’s t-shirt.

“Hey,” Harry turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow, “look at me.” He reached a finger cautiously under Louis’ chin, pulling it down to look at him. “You have really pretty eyes, you know. You’re really funny. You’re smart. Your fringe is always perfect.”

“Harry, stop-” Louis began shaking his head, swatting Harry’s finger from under his chin.

Harry took Louis’ jaw firmly in his hand, “No.” He got closer and closer to Louis’ face, “I think you’re great. No matter what you go through. I think you’re bigger than it. I don’t know what it is, Lou, but you’re bigger than it.”

His nose was mere centimeters away from Louis’ now, hot breath hitting his lips. He carefully set a soft peck on the crown of his head.

“Talk to me about it. But only if you want.” He placed another kiss on his forehead, then down to the tip of his nose. He backed away from Louis and let go of his jaw, pointing to himself, then completing a sentence in sign language.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I’m here for you.” He took Louis’ hands in his and repeated the motion with them.

Louis couldn’t help but flash a soft smile, staring shyly into his and Harry’s intertwined hands.

“Thanks, H. Sorry, I’m so-”

Harry covered Louis’ mouth with both of their hands, “Sh. Don’t even start with the apologizing. Just talk to me, love.”

Louis brought their hands to his lap, eyes still fixed on Harry’s long fingers wrapped around his small ones. His heart was racing from the language Harry was using with him; how gentle and sincere he was being. His brain battled with whether he wanted to tell him or not.

“Okay, but only if you promise to still be here for me when I’m done.” He couldn’t risk losing this. This was comforting. He liked Harry. A lot.

“How could I ever leave a boy with eyes as beautiful and blue as yours? At this point, I’m so in over my head, Louis.”

Louis almost laughed at that. Just thinking about someone thinking that of him and saying that about him had his mind in a whirl, but Harry’s voice was beginning to shake, causing Louis to look at him. His eyes were watering.

“Harry, no. Please don’t cry.” He didn’t even hesitate to wipe the tear falling down Harry’s soft cheek.

“I just want you to be happy, Louis,” Harry sniffled a little, but quickly controlled his tears and flashed Louis a soft smile. “Its been months and I still feel like you haven’t let me in.”

“I want to be happy too, but sometimes I can’t be. I-I don’t know how to explain it, Harry.”

Louis stuttered on his words, already feeling the difficulty of having to explain his mental illness.

“What do you mean?” Harry’s eyes were so soft when they stared into Louis’. So tender and caring and cautious. His thumb was massaging Louis’ hand in a soothing rhythm. 

“Um… I struggle,” Louis took a couple of deep breaths, “I struggle with anxiety. All forms of it, really. I don’t like crowded spaces or unplanned events. I don’t like not knowing what I’m doing or not having a schedule. I don’t know.” He was shaking his head, beginning to get scared of what Harry would think. “But I don’t like telling people this.”

That caused immediate response from Harry.

“Why?” His forehead was adorably creased, like he really was trying to understand and take in everything Louis was telling him.

“I don’t like it when they treat me differently afterwards,” he let his head fall to his lap again.

“Well, I’ll try not to do that, I promise. What can I do for you, Lou?”

“That’s the thing… I don’t want you to do anything out of your way for me, Harry. I know I’m messed up…” Louis was starting to get teary eyed. He bit his tongue, forcing himself to keep from crying. “I get sad all the time from random things. I cancel plans last minute because I just don’t feel like being around people. I have no emotion sometimes. I hurt those around me without even knowing it. I don’t want to rope anyone into this.” A tear escaped from his eye and he quickly took his hand out of Harry’s to wipe it away. “Especially you. I’m depressed, Harry. And you’re the one person that is always happy and always smiling and I can’t take that away from you.”

“Louis, you aren’t roping me in,” Harry squeezed his hands reassuringly. “Trust me, I’ve been in since the moment I met you on the bus.” He brought his hand up to brush the fringe off Louis’ forehead. “I want to be here for you. I’m your friend. I’ll really try to understand. You’ve got me, no matter what. Remember our sign language, I told you I would teach you.” He grabbed Louis’ hands once again and repeated the ’I’m here for you’ motion.

Louis hadn’t given him eye contact in a while.

“Hey, look at me, love.” And with the pet name, Louis couldn’t help but look over at him, melting into his touch and his words. “You can come to me. What can I do when things like today happen?”

“Anything to get my mind off what’s happening, really…” Louis absolutely hated talking about this. It made him feel so helpless and vulnerable. “Just asking questions. Also, pressure on my chest works when I really can’t breathe that well, but sometimes I don’t want to be touched.”

“Okay. I can do that.” Harry could see that Louis was feeling completely bummed out after talking about all of this. “Hey,” he stared into Louis’ eyes, hoping to make a point, “I am so proud of you. You are so strong. Thank you for telling me when you didn’t want to.”

“Thanks.”

Those were things that Niall would tell him all the time. He had gotten so used to them that it didn’t even seem real anymore, but with Harry, it was different. It made him feel a completely different way. It made him feel safe. Louis stared down at Harry’s ankles, peeking out of the bottom of his jeans, taking in every inch of his lengthy body while he could. He trailed up his legs, capturing every muscle, every tattoo, and every vein; the way his jeans fit tightly around his thighs with a pair of love handles pouring out at the top. He continued up to his chest, the hint of two sparrows near his neck and a butterfly on his stomach. He wanted to take all of Harry in; he was always one for remembering the little things. He didn’t know how long Harry was going to stay now, especially after all he told him, so he took advantage while it lasted; taking every piece of his body and creating a mental image of him exactly as he was, resting on his elbow and staring up at Louis with those soft, green eyes.

“Would you wanna stay for dinner?” Harry placed a fist under his chin, awaiting Louis’ response.

Louis wasn’t even sure why Harry hadn’t kicked him out by now. Maybe he’d be around longer than he thought.

“Sure.”

 

Louis sat on top of the counter in Harry’s kitchen, legs dangling off the side. Harry was seasoning the chicken he was about to cook, something Louis had never done in his life, and he was thoroughly fascinated.

“How do you know which ones taste well together?”

“Experience. I guess I’ve just tried some combinations.” Harry sprinkled salt and pepper over the chicken, flipping it to the other side and doing the same.

“How many spices do you have?”

“A whole cabinet full. Have you never seasoned anything before?” He peered at Louis through his eyelids, continuing to throw different things onto the meat.

“Nope,” Louis replied, popping the ‘p’. “It’s always grilled cheese or cereal for me! Niall does all the cooking.”

Harry chuckled, “Very healthy.”

“Indeed,” Louis licked his lips, playfully patting his stomach. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You can preheat the oven actually. This needs to bake for a little while.” Louis just stared at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve never used an oven, Louis.” He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Louis put his arms up in surrender, “I told you, grilled cheese and cereal, mate!”

“Good lord. C’mere.” Harry motioned for Louis to get off the counter and follow him to the oven. “All you do is press bake, then use the arrows for the temperature, then hit start.” Several beeps later, an orange number popped up, indicating it was pre-heating. “Good job! You’re a pro,” Harry teased, tickling Louis’ sides.

“Hush it,” Louis crossed his arms to stop the laughter, feeling slightly embarrassed by his lack of cooking skills.

“I think it’s cute. Just means I get to teach you!” He swatted at Louis’ crossed arms. “I’m gonna make the veggies. How about you go and watch some TV till I’m done?”

Louis nodded, making his way into the living room. He noticed something he hadn’t noticed before, a baby grand piano hidden in the corner of the room. Harry was in the kitchen and Liam had left again to work out, so no one was going to hear him.

He made his way to the corner and sat down on the bench, lightly running his fingers over the black and white keys. He messed around for a little bit, playing several songs by The Script and The Fray. He closed his eyes, allowing his fingers to dance freely and music to fill his head. He was so at peace; so comfortable in this moment.

“Louis,” Harry walked into the room, but quickly hushed himself. Louis was playing a rendition of A Thousand Years by Christina Perri and it was extremely beautiful.

Louis was singing along quietly as he played, flowing gracefully from chord to chord and note to note. 

Harry leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest. He watched as the muscles in Louis’ back twitched as he played, his whole body lost in the rhythm. He was so endearing. He was still in Harry’s t-shirt and he didn’t think there could be a more beautiful sight than this petite boy sitting at his piano, letting out of all his worries and sorrows with each note he played.

Louis finished the song beautifully, echoing out the last few notes with the pedals. He got up and pushed the chair back in, turning around to see Harry in the doorway.

“How long have you been there?” he questioned.

“Long enough to hear your beautiful voice.” He stepped towards Louis, untying the apron from around his waist. “You’re great, Lou.”

“Stop,” Louis’ eyes immediately hit the floor out of nervousness, adjusting the fringe from his eyes.

“I’m serious! I can barely play Mary Had a Little Lamb, okay?” He laughed, causing Louis to giggle. “C’mon, dinners ready.” He reached out his hand, offering it to Louis. “You can tell me no.”

Louis battled between his mind and his heart, one wanting and one fearing. He wanted to feel anxious in this moment; almost craving it for comfort. He should be breaking down by now, but there was something about Harry that he couldn’t deny. No matter what situation it was, if it involved Harry, his heart was always going to win.

He reached out and intertwined his fingers with Harry’s, taking note of the joy it brought to his face.

 

Hanging out with Harry became a normal occurrence over the next couple of weeks. They would study together, Harry would cook Louis meals, then they’d retreat to the couch for some movies. Harry kept Louis sane, constantly calming him and making sure he was healthy.

He would teach him sign language, leading Louis to becoming more fluent as each day passed. He knew the entire alphabet, could introduce himself, and ask others what their name was. The more he learned from Harry, the more he loved it. They could communicate without speaking, and that was something Louis had never experienced before.

Niall seemed to be noticing how often he was with Harry, calling him out on it as he walked in late one evening.

“Where were you?” Niall’s eyes didn’t leave the television as he raced his player closer to the goal on the screen.

“Next door.” Louis set down his backpack and slipped off his vans by the door.

“At Harry’s?”

“Yeah,” he walked into the living room and sat on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Has he kissed you yet?”

Louis’ eyes widened, “Niall, no.”

“What? You want him to.”

“Stop it, Niall.”

He attempted to get up, but Niall paused the game and placed a hand on his thigh, “Lou, I’m happy for you. Usually after this long, you would’ve given up, but you’ve stuck it out. And that means you must really like him.”

Louis stared up at the ceiling, taking in Niall’s words. He was right. Louis normally didn’t last more than a week or two trying to hang out with somebody other than Niall. He really did like Harry, and the amount of time they spent together had made them closer than Louis ever thought he would let anyone get.

“I do.”

Niall smiled at that, patting Louis’ thigh, “I know. You two should go out on a proper date, it has been a couple of months, almost a whole semester!”

“I’m not good at dates, Ni…”

“I’ll call Harry and tell him to set it up!” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, causing Louis to straddle him on the couch, reaching for it.

“STOP!” He tried to pin him down so he couldn’t move, but he was too fast.

Niall escaped Louis’ grip and sprinted into his room, slamming the door behind him and clicking the lock.

“Niall, I hate you.” Louis let his head fall against the door, closing his eyes in defeat.

“Oh, hey Harry, it’s Niall!”

Louis could practically hear the smug expression on Niall’s face through the tone in his voice.

“I was just wondering if you had thought about taking Louis on a date?” Pause. “Oh, really?” The sarcasm was too much for Louis to handle. “Well, that sounds great! Have a good night!”

Niall walked out to Louis sitting against the wall, looking furiously up at him.

“He said he’s wanted to since the beginning, but wasn’t sure how you felt. He’s such a gentleman. I told him you were ready!” Niall kicked Louis playfully and walked back into the living room, finishing his game of FIFA.

 

The next morning, Louis awoke to a text message from Harry. There had only been a few other times this happened, and usually it was when Harry cooked too much food for breakfast and invited Louis over. But this time, it was different.

’hey lou, I just wanted to know if we could talk? ’

What the hell did that mean? Talk? Talk about what? Did Louis even want to talk?

His heart rate began to pick up, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He put himself in at least one hundred different situations from Harry deciding he doesn’t want to be friends to kicking Louis out of his life forever. That was the only plausible reason he wanted to talk right? There had to be something wrong.

’Sure. ’ was all he managed to type out and send away, left with a deep hole of anxiety churning in his stomach.

This moment only further proved that Harry meant way more to Louis than just a friend, but Louis just couldn’t risk it. He was too much to handle and he couldn’t put all of that on Harry. He was so precious and innocent. His phone buzzed.

’when is a good time for you? :) ’

Oh, a smiley face?

This is potentially a good sign. Maybe it isn’t as bad as Louis thinks. But he can’t get his hopes up.

’Any time is fine’

Or maybe in his next life. This was too stressful.

’okay, how about you come over in about ten? I made some extra breakfast and Liam isn’t here’

Normal. We’re getting more normal.

’Sounds good’

Louis got out of bed and combed his fringe out of his eyes, pieces still flying every which way, but he didn’t really care. He threw on a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans, slipped on his black vans and walked out of his room.

“Where are you going?” Niall was in his normal spot on the couch, but he wasn’t playing FIFA.

“Harry’s.”

“Should’ve guessed!” Niall’s eyebrows wiggled up and down.

“It’s different this time I think, Ni.” Louis let a pinch of nervousness slip out in his voice and Niall immediately picked up on it.

“What’s wrong? What did he say?”

Louis handed Niall his phone to read the messages.

“Lou, you’re fine. Go over there. Your ass looks good in those jeans, I promise you’re fine!” He barked out a laugh and slapped his own chest in hysteria.

Louis couldn’t help the corners of his lips curving upwards, “Shut up.” He snatched his phone out of Niall’s hand and slid it into his back pocket. “I’m going. Be ready to hold me when I come back.”

“You’re the epitome of drama, Louis.”

He shrugged his shoulders over at Niall and walked out the door.

Harry’s doorstep came extremely too fast for Louis’ liking, literally five steps away. He reached out a hand to knock, but before he could, the door was being opened and he was being greeted by a shirtless, flour covered Harry.

“Good morning, Lou!” There were white streaks scattered throughout his hair, atop his shoulders, all over his apron, and even down to his toes. This was a lot different than Louis expected.

“Morning,” he scanned Harry up and down, meeting his eyes at the top with a confused look in his eyes.

“A lot of baking going on this morning,” he gave himself a once over then stepped aside, “come in!”

Louis took a step in, taken aback by the fresh smell of cinnamon rolls and cookies.

“I made a lot of cinnamon rolls, so feel free to have as many as you want,” he grabbed one off a plate and held it up to Louis’ mouth, allowing him to take a bite.

“Every time, Harry, shit.” Harry never failed to make something that Louis disliked. Louis didn’t think it was physically possible.

Harry’s smile was bright and wide, “I’m so glad you like it.” He watched as Louis chewed, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. He held up the pastry again, offering another bite, catching the crumbs in the other hand.

Louis ate it until it was gone, already wanting another one.

Harry was still gazing into his eyes, a more questionable gaze than usual. He slowly lifted his fingers to his mouth and licked the leftover icing off one by one.

Louis nearly choked. Harry was already covered in flour, he was already shirtless, allowing Louis to see his collarbone peeking out at the top of the apron along with his nipples on each side. His biceps were more defined than Louis would’ve thought, and why was he all a sudden taking all of this in?

Harry popped the last finger out of his mouth, then wiped it on his apron, “Want another?”

Louis nodded. His body was frozen, incapable of moving even an inch in fear that he would do something he would regret. He couldn’t tell if Harry was doing this on purpose, but they were just friends. Louis didn’t want to scare him away, and if he did what was going through his head, he was going to do just that.

Harry poured extra icing on top of the cinnamon roll, then handed it to Louis unlike the first time, “Here you go, love.” His smile was soft and gentle; like he could sense Louis’ tension.

“Thanks,” he continued to eat the next cinnamon roll, watching Harry’s every move as he danced around the kitchen, cleaning things up and storing all the baked goods he had made. Flour fell from every crevice of his body onto the floor, but he didn’t seem to care.

“So,” Harry prompted, “I wanted to talk to you…” And it seemed like in the amount of time it took to clean the kitchen, Harry had shrunk ten sizes. The way he spoke and the way he approached Louis made him seem so small and vulnerable. Louis wanted to cradle him up and kiss his hair.

“What’s up?” Louis was genuinely curious. Harry didn’t seem angry or upset, so he wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say.

“You know I like you, right?” Harry’s eyes met Louis’, staring deeper than he ever had. His toes were pointed together and his hands were behind his back. He was looking up at Louis’ through his eyelashes, but it was so intense; so important.

Louis wasn’t even sure if he knew the answer to this question. Obviously Harry liked him. He made food for him and let him come over, but what kind of like was Harry implying?

“Of course.” Louis didn’t hesitate.

“No, Louis,” he took a small step toward him, “I like you.” He over exaggerated ’like ’, making Louis feel like there was a trillion butterflies in his stomach.

He took another step.

“I like you a lot.” Another step. “I think you’re handsome.” Closer. “And smart.” Louis could smell the flour on his skin. “And brave.” Their toes were touching. Harry was looking down at Louis now, all prior signs of smallness gone. “Do you know that?”

Louis was shuddering under Harry’s breath, captivated by his voice, his eyes, his smell, and his touch.

“No. I didn’t,” Louis whispered.

Harry reached his hand out slowly, caressing Louis’ cheek rhythmically, “Well I promise to tell you all the time.”

“Harry, you-“

“Shh,” he put his thumb over Louis’ lips, then continued gentle strokes. “I promise to tell you all the time because you deserve it.” He brought his other hand up and held Louis’ face with his thumbs under his eyes, “You are perfect, Louis. And I want to be able to tell you that every second of every day. Please, consider being mine.”

Louis’ mouth dropped, “Harry, are you-?”

“Yes.” He let his hands trace Louis’ neck, down to his shoulders and arms until his hands were in the smaller boys’. “These past few months have been fun. You’re fun.” He squeezed Louis’ hands.

Louis was not expecting this. This was everything he could ever want, but he didn’t know if he could do it. More importantly, he didn’t know if he could do it to Harry.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you, Lou. I want to do the exact opposite. Please let me be your anchor. I’m here for you. I want to be here for you. Nothing you ever do will change how I feel about you.”

Harry was reading his mind. Louis wanted to say yes. He had dreamt of having this relationship with Harry since days after he met him. All it took was a simple yes and he would be able to kiss him and hug him and be with him freely.

Louis stared at Harry’s lips, an ungodly shade of pink, then flickered back up to his eyes. He looked so hopeful. So genuine. So real.

“Can I kiss you, Louis?” Harry was already inching closer, hot breath hitting Louis’ face.

Was this real? Was Louis still asleep? There was no way the most beautiful boy Louis had ever seen was asking him if he could kiss him. How could Louis say no? The boy was covered in flour from head-to-toe, his green eyes burning holes into him. He still hadn’t answered, but as Harry got closer, his heart made up his decision for him.

Louis got on his tip-toes and pressed his lips lightly to Harry’s, nearly fainting at how soft and smooth they were against his own. It was everything Louis wished it would be.

Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis’ waist, pulling him against his flour covered chest, spreading white across Louis’ black clothes.

It was a simple kiss, but it was long and cherished and Louis never wanted it to end.

“So, is that a yes?” Their foreheads were pressed together, limbs tangled.

“I just..” Louis stuttered.

“Just what?”

“I just don’t want to drag you into my mess of a life, Harry. You’re too good.”

Harrys eyes bulged, “Too good? Louis, you’re kidding, right? You are way too good for me. Nothing you ever do or say will change how I feel about you.”

Louis already knew the answer. He wanted to be with Harry, but he couldn’t be selfish. He didn’t want to weigh Harry down.

“Lou, babe,” Louis shuddered at the endearment, “I can tell you’re having a little battle with yourself,” Harry brought Louis’ head to his chest, “trust me. Give me a chance.” He rubbed his hands soothingly along Louis’ spine.

And that was all it took. Louis pulled his head away, tightened his grip around Harry’s waist as if it was the last time he’d be in this position, and pressed his lips firmly against the taller boys.

Harry melted into his touch, craving more. He opened his mouth, letting Louis take full control of the kiss.

Louis slowly let his tongue explore, adrenaline rushing through his body. He couldn’t even feel the anxiety. For the first time in a long time, Louis was blissful. No sign of stress. No inadequacy. He was everything he possibly could be right here in Harry’s arms.

Harry broke the kiss for a breath, holding Louis’ face to his, “You’re so beautiful, Louis.”

All Louis could do was smile. That’s all he could ever do around Harry.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! thinking about adding more to it, but unsure!!


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